I don't know if you are like me, but if you are then you've had this same problem that is followed by a same thought, which is fucking boredom, followed with the thought of doing drugs. Sometimes when I'm analyzing my life and measuring the level of boredom that my life consists of, I seriously consider starting to do drugs. And not like marijuana, but like cocaine level drugs, you know, to develop a sort of sophisticated identity, because there is something interesting and sophisticated about drug addicts. They're kind of oblivious to the world around them and the people around them and it gives off a "I don't fucking care about you" type vibe, even though in reality it's a "I'm not sure if I'm walking or not" type thing they're feeling. But, you know, they have this distinct persona. I think it mostly has to do with their body behavior, you know, they're always looking down but at the same time kind of in the distance, like they're in deep thought about something. Like when you see them you think to yourself "that dude has to be thinking deeply about something; he's looking down, and in the distance; is he looking into hell or something what is he looking at? I want to know." And that's it. They make you feel like you want to know something about them, unintentionally of course because really they're looking down because they feel if they look up their brain is going to drop down their throat. They're trying to keep it up top by balancing it on their forehead.
But still, to people who have what they think of as a boring life, they feel that a drug addicts life is a superior way of living than theirs. At least they have an identity; crackhead jim, burnout scott, degenerate sam. At least they're at a point in the spectrum, even though it's negative. But me, for instance, I'm just Jay. That's it. Neutral. No feelings towards me whatsoever. He doesn't bother anyone. He keeps to himself. Yes, I keep to myself. I keep lots of things to myself...Interpret that the way you want, probably creepily but don't contact the police.
But really, I sometimes fantasize about becoming a drug addict. I have visions of family members and friends being worried about me and saying how much potential I had, or have, depending on my physical state, whether I've sniffed by way to irreconcilable retardation or only to a friends house whom I've tried to share his bed with a few times. I picture myself going to drug meetings where I'm sitting with one leg outstretched and the other in a 80 degree position, slouching my back while keeping my head in front of my chest, dazing into the ground as drug addicts do.
And when I have these fantasies I realize I'm smiling as if some hilarious memory popped into my head, like when my friend in 3rd grade told me how he just had ran down the stairs ignorantly and bounced his head of our teacher's boobs who was at the time about to finish her climb up (she had huge boobs and he said they felt literally like two balloons). Isn't this sick. Their are horrifying stories of drug addicts that everyone has heard, and yet I'm fantasizing about becoming one. It's kind of like a girl asking to be raped just so she can assume the identity of "rapee," and go to the therapeutic meetings afterwards just so she can have something to do other than masturbating to speeches by George W. Bush; this girls southern and dumb in my fake story. But I have serious thoughts about doing this and sometimes I feel I should just go to a few rehab meetings and pretend to be a drug addict to reassure the fact of how awful it probably actually is.
But still, to people who have what they think of as a boring life, they feel that a drug addicts life is a superior way of living than theirs. At least they have an identity; crackhead jim, burnout scott, degenerate sam. At least they're at a point in the spectrum, even though it's negative. But me, for instance, I'm just Jay. That's it. Neutral. No feelings towards me whatsoever. He doesn't bother anyone. He keeps to himself. Yes, I keep to myself. I keep lots of things to myself...Interpret that the way you want, probably creepily but don't contact the police.
But really, I sometimes fantasize about becoming a drug addict. I have visions of family members and friends being worried about me and saying how much potential I had, or have, depending on my physical state, whether I've sniffed by way to irreconcilable retardation or only to a friends house whom I've tried to share his bed with a few times. I picture myself going to drug meetings where I'm sitting with one leg outstretched and the other in a 80 degree position, slouching my back while keeping my head in front of my chest, dazing into the ground as drug addicts do.
And when I have these fantasies I realize I'm smiling as if some hilarious memory popped into my head, like when my friend in 3rd grade told me how he just had ran down the stairs ignorantly and bounced his head of our teacher's boobs who was at the time about to finish her climb up (she had huge boobs and he said they felt literally like two balloons). Isn't this sick. Their are horrifying stories of drug addicts that everyone has heard, and yet I'm fantasizing about becoming one. It's kind of like a girl asking to be raped just so she can assume the identity of "rapee," and go to the therapeutic meetings afterwards just so she can have something to do other than masturbating to speeches by George W. Bush; this girls southern and dumb in my fake story. But I have serious thoughts about doing this and sometimes I feel I should just go to a few rehab meetings and pretend to be a drug addict to reassure the fact of how awful it probably actually is.
hahah
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